Its Good? It's Bad? Its???

Well, looks like I'm home... again...  sigh.  I don't know what's going on but last night Monkey came down with a fever.  It seems to be gone today, but now we are dealing with diarrhea.  Well, hopefully not anymore.  I hate to give my kids anything I consider "harsh" in terms of medicine, but at this point, I REALLY NEED this kid to start getting better.  If she had continued with the fever or had started vomiting we would have been off to the dr's.   And, I'm supposed to go to work today.  I'll have to in after hours now.  Not that I really mind, I suppose.  

This morning as I was doing things around the house, the oddest thought came to mind.  "I wish I could just be a stay at home mom once again."  Huh?  What?  But I really like my job.  We NEED my income.  Hey...  I like what I do.  

"But..." the voice continues on, "If you didn't work you could focus on home things again.  Find and get back to what you really want to be doing.  Work doesn't fulfill your soul, only your wallet."  

Ouch.  I have NO idea where this voice came from.  I was a stay at home mom for awhile.  I don't think I took real advantage of it, though.  At the same time, maybe I had to work through "things" and I did what I needed to do to get me where I am today.  Which is travel back in time to 3 years ago minus the depression???  ......  :)  Sarcasm.  Such a wonderful thing at times.  

So, I don't know.  The conversation with myself is sort of bugging me today.  It popped out of no where but really stuck.  It's probably because I don't really know what I'm supposed to DO with it.  I'm sure a lot of people would like to stay at home, but that doesn't mean that they can.  Just like I can't.  My paycheck pays the mortgage.  Chris's check pays the rest.  We can't do with just one.  I guess I don't know how to accomplish what my soul desires and still work, be a mom, and all the other roles I'm supposed to fill.   

I'm confused.  I'm perplexed....  I'm in a pondering mood....