Well, looks like I'm home... again... sigh. I don't know what's going on but last night Monkey came down with a fever. It seems to be gone today, but now we are dealing with diarrhea. Well, hopefully not anymore. I hate to give my kids anything I consider "harsh" in terms of medicine, but at this point, I REALLY NEED this kid to start getting better. If she had continued with the fever or had started vomiting we would have been off to the dr's. And, I'm supposed to go to work today. I'll have to in after hours now. Not that I really mind, I suppose.
This morning as I was doing things around the house, the oddest thought came to mind. "I wish I could just be a stay at home mom once again." Huh? What? But I really like my job. We NEED my income. Hey... I like what I do.
"But..." the voice continues on, "If you didn't work you could focus on home things again. Find and get back to what you really want to be doing. Work doesn't fulfill your soul, only your wallet."
Ouch. I have NO idea where this voice came from. I was a stay at home mom for awhile. I don't think I took real advantage of it, though. At the same time, maybe I had to work through "things" and I did what I needed to do to get me where I am today. Which is travel back in time to 3 years ago minus the depression??? ...... :) Sarcasm. Such a wonderful thing at times.
So, I don't know. The conversation with myself is sort of bugging me today. It popped out of no where but really stuck. It's probably because I don't really know what I'm supposed to DO with it. I'm sure a lot of people would like to stay at home, but that doesn't mean that they can. Just like I can't. My paycheck pays the mortgage. Chris's check pays the rest. We can't do with just one. I guess I don't know how to accomplish what my soul desires and still work, be a mom, and all the other roles I'm supposed to fill.
I'm confused. I'm perplexed.... I'm in a pondering mood....
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
A Million Bucks
I'm home today with my silly Monkey who thought it was a good idea to get the flu.... :( Actually, yesterday was her worst day. She couldn't keep a thing in her stomach all day long. Fortunately, her stomach settled last night and today we're just trying to get her back on track.
I can deal with Chris getting sick and of course other adults in my life being ill. I can tolerate Pumpkin getting sick. I mean, it's certainly not pleasant and I worry about her, however I deal okay with it. If either of the twinadoes get sick... I have the hardest time dealing with it. I get very worried and have a hard time calming my feelings so I can do what I have to in a way that won't make them see I'm worried. I was trying to figure it out yesterday as I kept myself busy with silly little things. (My sock drawer is now color coordinated!!!) I wonder if it's because even though they are 7, they are still my youngest, my "babies"....
This weather... this weather is driving me crazy. Lets see.... Sunday afternoon we had partial to mostly sun. It was the first sun we'd seen in over 10 days. An afternoon of sun and then it's back to cold and raw and dampness. This house is SO cold... In the evening after the girls go to bed, Chris and I wrap blankets around us if we are going to relax and watch TV or read a book or whatnot. I'm still wearing long sleeve shirts and winter sweaters. I haven't a clue as to what I'm going to do when winter actually gets here.... We've all ready agreed that we have to put plastic over the windows. Since the ell isn't insulated at all, the wall that attaches it to the house ... we'll be taking the plaster down out there, fixing the wiring, putting in heavy duty insulation there and then redoing the wall. We have to do the same with the ceiling because part of Pumpkin's room is above the ell.
The furnace really isn't that old... Replaced in 2003 I think??? Although the listing for this place said the house was insulated, I wonder how old the insulation is.... as in.. perhaps the mice have all carried it all off and have nice warm homes of their own??? :) Either that or the furnace is REALLY inefficient... It stinks that our home owners insurance won't provide said insurance if we put in a wood stove. Too much of a fire hazard, they say. :| boo hoo!!! As far as we can tell, a pellet stove is our next best option. That's all some people use around here to heat their entire house. We are doing our best to save for one, however.... vehicle registration, new brakes for the car, tires for the van, something as simple as a lawn mower, unexpected surprises during renovation, and the fact that oil IS so very expensive and we are having such cold weather keeps the "pellet stove fund" small.
I suppose I could look at the weather this way: Although the roof was redone in 2006, they must have used super cheap shingles. This rainy weather has given us the opportunity to know exactly where the leaks are in the house. ... grumble, grumble....
Okay... I know, I know. I really do understand that when you buy an old house, things like this happen. I've never heard of anyone buying an older fixer upper house and having it be perfect within 4 months.... :) We went from a 10 year old house to a 100+ one. I think the other house spoiled us horribly. Warmth ACTUALLY STAYED IN that house!!! We really are trying to focus first on what needs to be done for comfort, etc. rather than decor and whatnot... It's so hard for me though! I want curtains and flower gardens and braided rugs and a small wooden bench to put the phone on instead of a plastic tote, new bedding, and 2 working light fixtures one in the front hallway and the other in the back side of the living room and... hmmm... you get the idea.
Because I can't do as I want in the house, I was hoping to put some of my energy into starting a garden. Even people from the area have mentioned that the previous owners had good success with one. I admit, when Chris first told me where the garden was, I said, "THAT'S the garden??? I thought they were slowly building a rocky road towards the back of the property..." :) ummm... yeah. Okay, well... I was hoping that I wouldn't have to do too much money wise to start the garden. (eventually I would love all raised beds...) Because of the weather, we have standing puddles still in the garden. It's a mucky mess, rocks and all. From what other gardeners in the area says, the season can still be saved, but we really need some sun to dry things out so seeds and plants won't rot in the ground. Many people around here have green houses and start seeds in there and once the June full moon has passed (a near sign that there won't be any more frosts for a few months) put the seedlings in the ground.
Papa told us that we could have his greenhouse kit!!! The plastic blew off during a winter storm this past year, but if we still wanted it, he'd give it to us. He doesn't have any time this year or even the next to devote to gardening. We don't have the greenhouse yet this year. Probably won't be starting seeds in there... but I wonder if we got some late producing veggies if the greenhouse would work for that.... doesn't hurt to dream.
anyway... will all that has to happen, that I wish COULD happen, we'd need a million bucks. Again... sigh... it doesn't hurt to dream.... :)
I can deal with Chris getting sick and of course other adults in my life being ill. I can tolerate Pumpkin getting sick. I mean, it's certainly not pleasant and I worry about her, however I deal okay with it. If either of the twinadoes get sick... I have the hardest time dealing with it. I get very worried and have a hard time calming my feelings so I can do what I have to in a way that won't make them see I'm worried. I was trying to figure it out yesterday as I kept myself busy with silly little things. (My sock drawer is now color coordinated!!!) I wonder if it's because even though they are 7, they are still my youngest, my "babies"....
This weather... this weather is driving me crazy. Lets see.... Sunday afternoon we had partial to mostly sun. It was the first sun we'd seen in over 10 days. An afternoon of sun and then it's back to cold and raw and dampness. This house is SO cold... In the evening after the girls go to bed, Chris and I wrap blankets around us if we are going to relax and watch TV or read a book or whatnot. I'm still wearing long sleeve shirts and winter sweaters. I haven't a clue as to what I'm going to do when winter actually gets here.... We've all ready agreed that we have to put plastic over the windows. Since the ell isn't insulated at all, the wall that attaches it to the house ... we'll be taking the plaster down out there, fixing the wiring, putting in heavy duty insulation there and then redoing the wall. We have to do the same with the ceiling because part of Pumpkin's room is above the ell.
The furnace really isn't that old... Replaced in 2003 I think??? Although the listing for this place said the house was insulated, I wonder how old the insulation is.... as in.. perhaps the mice have all carried it all off and have nice warm homes of their own??? :) Either that or the furnace is REALLY inefficient... It stinks that our home owners insurance won't provide said insurance if we put in a wood stove. Too much of a fire hazard, they say. :| boo hoo!!! As far as we can tell, a pellet stove is our next best option. That's all some people use around here to heat their entire house. We are doing our best to save for one, however.... vehicle registration, new brakes for the car, tires for the van, something as simple as a lawn mower, unexpected surprises during renovation, and the fact that oil IS so very expensive and we are having such cold weather keeps the "pellet stove fund" small.
I suppose I could look at the weather this way: Although the roof was redone in 2006, they must have used super cheap shingles. This rainy weather has given us the opportunity to know exactly where the leaks are in the house. ... grumble, grumble....
Okay... I know, I know. I really do understand that when you buy an old house, things like this happen. I've never heard of anyone buying an older fixer upper house and having it be perfect within 4 months.... :) We went from a 10 year old house to a 100+ one. I think the other house spoiled us horribly. Warmth ACTUALLY STAYED IN that house!!! We really are trying to focus first on what needs to be done for comfort, etc. rather than decor and whatnot... It's so hard for me though! I want curtains and flower gardens and braided rugs and a small wooden bench to put the phone on instead of a plastic tote, new bedding, and 2 working light fixtures one in the front hallway and the other in the back side of the living room and... hmmm... you get the idea.
Because I can't do as I want in the house, I was hoping to put some of my energy into starting a garden. Even people from the area have mentioned that the previous owners had good success with one. I admit, when Chris first told me where the garden was, I said, "THAT'S the garden??? I thought they were slowly building a rocky road towards the back of the property..." :) ummm... yeah. Okay, well... I was hoping that I wouldn't have to do too much money wise to start the garden. (eventually I would love all raised beds...) Because of the weather, we have standing puddles still in the garden. It's a mucky mess, rocks and all. From what other gardeners in the area says, the season can still be saved, but we really need some sun to dry things out so seeds and plants won't rot in the ground. Many people around here have green houses and start seeds in there and once the June full moon has passed (a near sign that there won't be any more frosts for a few months) put the seedlings in the ground.
Papa told us that we could have his greenhouse kit!!! The plastic blew off during a winter storm this past year, but if we still wanted it, he'd give it to us. He doesn't have any time this year or even the next to devote to gardening. We don't have the greenhouse yet this year. Probably won't be starting seeds in there... but I wonder if we got some late producing veggies if the greenhouse would work for that.... doesn't hurt to dream.
anyway... will all that has to happen, that I wish COULD happen, we'd need a million bucks. Again... sigh... it doesn't hurt to dream.... :)
Saturday, May 21, 2011
I have no idea where this post is going today. Again... this week has just been one thing right after the other. The weekend is shaping up to be the same! This morning the twinades have a birthday party to attend and my oldest is doing the Beth C Wright Walk for Life. All proceeds from sponsoring the walkers will go to the BCW Cancer Resource Center. We are proud that Pumpkin wanted to involve herself in this. It started off as a school function but when that fizzled, she and her best friend still wanted to do the walk. As some of the 5 mile walk takes place on the main highway, we didn't want them to go alone. (over protective parents, I know!!!)
Chris's office has moved out of the building I was in and down to the Adult Programming building of the agency. Makes sense. When he learned that some of the women in the day program were also doing the walk, he made inquiries and one of the women said she'd be happy to have them walk with her and her daughter. After the walk, Brit is spending the night with us. The hope is that the walk is REALLY going to wear them out so they aren't going to have all that crazy energy that they usually do. :)
I'm not sure quite what to do today. I have to drop the girls off at their party and do I go down and tend the horses or do I come back and try to get a few things down while the house is quiet??? Decisions, decisions... Guess I'd better get off my butt and start trying to figure it out!!!!
Chris's office has moved out of the building I was in and down to the Adult Programming building of the agency. Makes sense. When he learned that some of the women in the day program were also doing the walk, he made inquiries and one of the women said she'd be happy to have them walk with her and her daughter. After the walk, Brit is spending the night with us. The hope is that the walk is REALLY going to wear them out so they aren't going to have all that crazy energy that they usually do. :)
I'm not sure quite what to do today. I have to drop the girls off at their party and do I go down and tend the horses or do I come back and try to get a few things down while the house is quiet??? Decisions, decisions... Guess I'd better get off my butt and start trying to figure it out!!!!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Sunday Inspiraion, 2
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who'll decide where to go.
~Dr. Seuss
People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.
~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it. ~Buddha
Happy Sunday!!! :)
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who'll decide where to go.
~Dr. Seuss
People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.
~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it. ~Buddha
Happy Sunday!!! :)
Saturday, May 14, 2011
5/14/11
Another ridiculous week has passed. Unfortunately I'm not expecting much for the coming one as well.
Finances are SUPER TIGHT right now. I'm trying to get in as many extra work hours as I can. So, with that, keeping up with things here at home, dealing with the horses, family and other things... needless to say, I'm tired!!!
I just want a day all to myself!!!! SIGH>>>> I know what I need, but can't seem to find he means to obtain it.
Today while the girls are gone, Chris and I are going back over to our previous house. It's frustrating to still not be completely cleaned out of that place so.... while we are kidless for awhile, we are going back over to try and get as much done as we can. Can't believe how much the girls squirreled away in their room. But now, after this amount of time, if they really wanted it, they would have taken it by now so.... most of it is either heading towards goodwill or the dump.
Now it is up to me to just LET THINGS GO!!! If they don't want the last Christmas gift that their grandfather gave to them, I have to respect that, even if it has sentimental meaning to me. I CERTAINLY don't want this place cluttered up so if it can't stay there and can't come here....
hmmmmm....
Actually... did I blog about this before??? I have a sense of deja vu.... Perhaps I wrote about it in my journal? Oh dear.... yep... I really do need a mental health day before I completely loose it!!!!!!! yikes!!!!
:)
*photo courtesy of photobucket
Finances are SUPER TIGHT right now. I'm trying to get in as many extra work hours as I can. So, with that, keeping up with things here at home, dealing with the horses, family and other things... needless to say, I'm tired!!!
I just want a day all to myself!!!! SIGH>>>> I know what I need, but can't seem to find he means to obtain it.
Today while the girls are gone, Chris and I are going back over to our previous house. It's frustrating to still not be completely cleaned out of that place so.... while we are kidless for awhile, we are going back over to try and get as much done as we can. Can't believe how much the girls squirreled away in their room. But now, after this amount of time, if they really wanted it, they would have taken it by now so.... most of it is either heading towards goodwill or the dump.
Now it is up to me to just LET THINGS GO!!! If they don't want the last Christmas gift that their grandfather gave to them, I have to respect that, even if it has sentimental meaning to me. I CERTAINLY don't want this place cluttered up so if it can't stay there and can't come here....
hmmmmm....
Actually... did I blog about this before??? I have a sense of deja vu.... Perhaps I wrote about it in my journal? Oh dear.... yep... I really do need a mental health day before I completely loose it!!!!!!! yikes!!!!
*photo courtesy of photobucket
Friday, May 6, 2011
At last, Friday
It's just been a very long week. Can't really put my finger on why, just that... once I nearly finished one thing, another would pop into existence and I'd have to deal with that and just before I finished with that, another would and I would be dealing with that when....
hmmm.... You probably get the idea. :)
It's sort of been a week when I've done everything but what I've really wanted to. Okay, I take that back. Yesterday before I got to the breaking point I grabbed a cup of tea and settled down into my comfy reading spot and turned the outside world OFF and just completely drowned myself in the book. Truth be known it isn't even the greatest of books, but it worked.
I'm glad I can leave this week behind. Not even the weather has cooperated!!!! It's been all rain and gloom all week long. Today fortunately the sun made an appearance but the air was so cold, being outside wasn't the most pleasant. I admit it was nice to see it bright from working inside, though.
So.. I'm alive, but feeling uninspired. Not exactly the best of places to be when trying to start up a blog, now is it.... eeeekkk!!!!! I could ramble on, but without having the heart and soul backing the words, there really isn't too much point to it, now is there.
Hopefully tomorrow will find me in a much better space...
hmmm.... You probably get the idea. :)
It's sort of been a week when I've done everything but what I've really wanted to. Okay, I take that back. Yesterday before I got to the breaking point I grabbed a cup of tea and settled down into my comfy reading spot and turned the outside world OFF and just completely drowned myself in the book. Truth be known it isn't even the greatest of books, but it worked.
I'm glad I can leave this week behind. Not even the weather has cooperated!!!! It's been all rain and gloom all week long. Today fortunately the sun made an appearance but the air was so cold, being outside wasn't the most pleasant. I admit it was nice to see it bright from working inside, though.
So.. I'm alive, but feeling uninspired. Not exactly the best of places to be when trying to start up a blog, now is it.... eeeekkk!!!!! I could ramble on, but without having the heart and soul backing the words, there really isn't too much point to it, now is there.
Hopefully tomorrow will find me in a much better space...
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Sunday Inspiration
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
Helen Keller
Helen Keller
I could not, at any age,
be content to take my place by the fireside and simply look on.
Life was meant to be lived.
Curiosity must be kept alive.
One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life.
-Eleanor Roosevelt
be content to take my place by the fireside and simply look on.
Life was meant to be lived.
Curiosity must be kept alive.
One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life.
-Eleanor Roosevelt
Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do.
Where there is love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong.
-Ella Fitzgerald
Where there is love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong.
-Ella Fitzgerald
*floral image courtesy of photobucket
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