Now where was I?

Where to begin???  

Well...  for starters, we had a super long week last week.  Chris's grandmother, whom I have referred to in previous blog posts as Mema, became seriously ill and after 3 days of fighting, she finally decided it was her time to end her journey here and pass on to some other new adventure.  Mema had been dealing with Alzheimer's for at least 12 to 15 years.  Chris and I both agree that when Mepa passed on in 2007, the anchor's rope that kept Mema somewhat grounded with us quickly unraveled.  Even in a week, we could see differences.  Once she moved into an Alzheimer's Care Unit, the Mema in our memories didn't match this look like in front of our eyes.  And .... that's the nature of the disease, I guess....  

It took a few months from Mepa's passing to Mema moving into her new placement.  Until then, she stayed with MomC and Papa.  I remember shortly before she left, she was sitting on her living room couch and I went in to sit with her.  I told her how much she meant to me and said what I really needed to say.  She sort of looked at me, then began laughing as if I had told her a great joke and changed the subject.  And that was okay.  I hadn't realized it until now, but Chris had also done the same thing at one point.  In some ways we've all ready mourned our loss of her in our lives and the memorial service which is scheduled for Thursday (to give out of state family an opportunity to come) will just sort of tie the ends together for us.  

Unfortunately, I am not going to be able to attend!!!  My mother has some medical testing that she can't reschedule and early on I agreed to take her.  Perhaps she could have found someone else, but I really feel I need to be with her.  Well....  at this point physically I will be with her but emotionally I will be with Chris and the girls.  Since it's just a memorial service, we thought it would be okay for the twinadoes at age 7 to attend as well.  That's the age Pumpkin was when she attended Mepa's.  

As with every life changing moment, there's a jumble of emotions but eventually it will get all worked out.  

Tomorrow (finally!) is the last day of school.  What a long year the girls have had.  We had such crazy snow storms this past year that the school year had to go extra days in the end.  Of course, now my work schedule is going to become VERY crazy.  I've asked my mom and she's agreed to be here one day a week.  I've asked MomC, but she never EXACTLY gave me a definite answer just a "I'll see what I can do..."  So, who exactly knows about my second day of work, and my third day, I can save my paperwork to either work here at home or I'll go into the office after hours.  I see myself getting more done that way.  Depending on what happens, I'll spend 2 days at the office after hours and then when my Mom is here on Monday, I'll get as many hours in then as I can.  It'll all work, it's just that right now without concrete plans, I'm... er... okay fine... perhaps I am sort of dwelling on it.  

I don't know....  I woke up this morning feeling ill at ease.  As the day has gone on, I feel as if I am about ready to jump out of my skin.  It's as if the slightest thing might set me off and there's a lot of deep breathing and trying to hold onto myself going on.  It's only slightly after 4 and I'm hoping that perhaps a glass of wine will help.  Hey... it's always 5pm somewhere....  (family joke from way back...  :) )  I was hoping that by blogging the light bulb would go on in my brain and I'd figure out.  .....    .....    Well... nothing yet.. :)  


It could be a very long summer this year.  The girls fight so DAMN much!!!!  Now, I know I fought with my sister, but it wasn't constant.  We did have moments where we either just left each other alone or... low and behold actually spoke kindly to each other.  There's a theory that kids 3 years apart just can't seem to get along.  Chris and his younger brother ~three years apart~ often fought like mad to the point of fists flying and all.  Of course, Pumpkin and the twinadoes have the three year span and this is ABSOLUTELY nuts.  Plus...  I've tried to get Pumpkin involved with summer camps and activities this year....  she has NO interest.  WTHeck???  Yet, I don't want to force her.  I'd love to find something around here for the younger two as well but, wellll...  this is one of those instances where rural living isn't much of a benefit.  


hmmmm....  I know one thing that may be of help to me.  I have been trying to exercise regularly.  With the arrival of the treadmill, I have been using it most days.  I really want to get into better shape.  Not for any particular reason... just it's something I want to do.  Later this summer we will be going on vacation with the family and I want to be in good shape to be able to do all the activities and not feel tired and winded.  Not that I would even now, but again... it's something that has gotten stuck in my head.  Plus, if we have the treadmill here to begin with, why not use it???  This morning I didn't use it because I went down to the horses early.  MomC and Papa have been sending the horses out into the field late in the morning through the afternoon and there's been little contact with them lately.  I got there really early and had a fun time grooming Sassy and Cinnamon and just being amongst the herd itself.  Dutch had this thing about sniffing my hair today.  I mean... constant hair sniffing....  I kept trying to "explain" a little went a long way... but he can be a pretty focused horse sometimes.  I was glad when he stayed in the barn with Sassy so I could groom Cinnamon in the turn out without the two boys "fighting" and just being goofy in general.  


So... I guess that's it for now.  My mind is beginning to draw a blank.  Plus, Monkey keeps coming over to read over my shoulder...  :/....  Takes way from the flow of words from brain to keyboard to keep having to ask her to go find something else to do for now.  


Okay... long summer perhaps in so many ways.....  But... at least it's finally SUMMER and although people are saying it won't be that great of one, today it's sunny, breezy and high 70's...  AWESOME!!!!  

*graphic courtesy of Photobucket